What an After-Work Feeling

So...this is it.

T h i s • is what it feels like to come home from work, satisfied with a job well done. 

Hmmm...

...imagine THAT!

I honestly didn't think I would see this day...yet here it is.

It. Is. AWESOME. !!!.

I'm the Chair of the Ambassador Committee at work and we have a week-long event coming up; starting at the end of this week: a healthy cereal drive to promote awarness of hunger issues in our community. "Because breakfast doesn't take a summer vacation."...and kiddies and their families, if living in food-insecure households, still need access to healthy meals even though school is out.

I designed posters and fliers for the event today. All day, I was creating and designing! I am so proud of the products that I produced! I worked with a Microsoft Publisher- not the best, but way better than just Word. It was my first time making something from scratch in Publisher. I really missed my laptop and the design programs I am more familiar with. Been a long, long time since I wanted to, or had a need to, get creative and design something. I miss it! I want to do more of it!

...I need to get better at it.

I honestly feel so good right now!

I haven't felt awesome like this after a 12-hour day at a company/job... EVER. I'm doing the right thing when I'm being creative and designing. I need to go with this feeling. I owe it to myself! I hope/wish/pray that I am blessed with a new job that always (...well, most days...!) makes me feel good and satisfied and fulfilled after a short... regular... long day. :) I know that my authentic, dream job is somewhere out there...

...until I find it (...or it finds me...??), I'll just hang out and enjoy these moments. Right now. And now. And now. And now. They truly are so very far and in between. :)

xo,

AS

1 is the loneliest number...

One of the worst parts about being single - for me - is not having anyone to talk to. I mean, yeah, my coupled-up and married friends * say * they're available for chats...but are they really? No. The answer is: no.

I get it: they're busy. They have work and hobbies and significant others and events to attend and adventures to plan and go on, so yeah, making time for people who don't fit into those categories [...or better yet: invited to attend or partake in some of those catagories] is hard. 

Whatever.

We're all on our own unique, special, individual journeys - some are just lucky enough to have a co-pilot. 

So while I'm trying to figure out my next move/get my life together, I find that the person I really need to speak with is... me. I need to talk to myself; to keep it real and honest. But is it okay to keep saying things to myself outloud? I mean, at what point does talking to myself in a passing whisper of jumbled thoughts become a full-fledged, 2-way conversation? Is it normal to feel this crazy??

I don't know a lot - I'll be the first to admit it. What I do know is this: I'm probably too old to reasonably justify the existence of an imaginary friend. So...who is it okay to talk to if/when I'm by myself??

This is my current dilemma.

One • G I A N T • leap of faith

 Oops, I did it again: I dreamed some BIG (...impossible?) dreams.

I want to share my passion and love of yoga with others. I dream of being a yoga instructor.

I want to continue my education and be around like-minded intellectuals. I dream of going back to school to earn another degree.

The challenge of these dreams: m o n e y .

WTF.

Why does it cost so much to better oneself??!

I am broke as a joke.

My current salary (and job) sucks. I can pay my bills, but I cannot afford to stock my fridge. I'm hungry and tired most of the time yet my desire and determination for a better life - for living my BEST LIFE - feeds my soul and gives me the energy I need to persevere and carry on...and DREAM BIG DREAMS of success and peace of mind and happiness.

Never in a million years did I think I would be * here *...but I am. So I need to deal with it; and keep my eyes on the prize so I can move forward. "Onward and upward!" said somebody at some point, right...? Right.

I have expensive dreams and no way to pay for them.

I was blessed with a parent who treated me to an undergraduate education. My mother is a f*cking saint. Truly. I have my bachelor's degree from an out-of-state Jesuit university. Talk about a selfishly sh*tty move on my part. (Sorry Mom). I had such a horrible experience in college; I don't even use my dregree. Believe me I want to! Which is why I want to get into a certificate program to further develop and enhance my dormant PR skills.

During a personal trauma at the end of  2012 and all through 2013, yoga pretty much saved me. I can breathe through pain and tough situations - emotional, mental, physical, spiritual...the transformations that have occured during my journey to self-confidence and owning my value and worth are incredible (and continue to amaze me and stregnthen me, every day).

Today, I took the first of many steps towards achieving my goals of getting back into school and becoming a yoga instructor: I researched low-interest credit cards and applied to programs.

Money and numbers make me so f*cking nervous! Like, seriously...I have a legitimate fear of debt and being in debt. I am uncomfortable with money: I've never had a lot, and I know how quickly it can disappear and/or be taken away. I never carry cash because it is impossible for me to track what I spend it on. I save as much as I can as often as I can. I never, ever spend more than I budget or make. I am a smart, savvy shopper; I never spend my money frivolously. (And why would I?? I worked my ass off for it- I do not need to see it disappear without good rhyme or reason.) 

I am taking a huge, uncomfortably scary leap of faith by actively pursuing these dreams without the financial security to back them up. I am terrified to go into debt but I am no longer able to stay complacent and stagnant - paralyzed by this fear. 

I thought by now I would have a partner in life; a husband, a best friend, a confidant that I could discuss this with, dream with, plan with, learn and grow with... but I do not. It is only me. And I owe it to myself to be my best - to be THE best - so I can be proud of the woman I see in mirror. 

I thought by now I would have a better grip on things; that my recovery/renuilding from being homeless would be farther along. That I'd have a better job, by now; and be making more money, by now...but I don't; and I'm not. 

So...what's a girl to do?

I am going to keep dreaming and setting goals.

I am going to keep planning for my short-term and long-term future.

I am going to keep achieving and annihilating said goals. 

I am going to get up every morning with a smile and a sense if purpose. 

I am going to work hard and play hard.

I am going to give myself credit when/where credit is due.

I am going to actively pursue my dreams...passionately and tenaciously and with as little fear as possible.

I am going to leap...and trust that God and the Universe know my mind... hear my heart... guide my soul... to/towards/down the path I am supposed to travel. 

I am going to enjoy my journey - bumps, valleys, mountains, level plains and all. 

WTF...??!

Sh*tty start to the week, man. Seriously.

I'm supposed to be leaving for NE-freaking-BRASKA to be a bridesmaid in wedding. TOMORROW.

But I can't leave CA yet...because I don't have my dress. 

.

..

...

..

.

Have you ever heard of that: a bridesmaid without a dress?? 

...yeah... me neither.

I took my dress in to the seamstress I've been using for the past 3 weddings I've been in. (The dress I speak of is my 7th bridesmaid dress...) It needed obvious alterations- yet she said she would have to ready TODAY by 6p.

So I showed up at the shop right around 6p...and the doors were L O C K E D . 

...huh??

Yes, locked. 

No note on the door.

No missed call. 

No text.

No email.

Not one form of communication was attempted on her behalf to try to tell me that...something...anything came up and we'd have to reschedule.

N o t h i n g .

I gasp outloud. Several times.

I call the shop- the voicemail box is full.

I begin a Yelp note...it might be looked at in about a week. 

I draft an email- I send it.

I find the shop on Twitter- I send a tweet.

I find thd shop on Goigle+ - I send a message and a picture.

I call again...and again...and again, once more...to no avail- no one pics up and the message machine is still full. :( 

W. T. F. ...??!

My flight outta town is scheduled for 7a tomorrow...I am going to have to change that.

The shop opens tomorrow at 9a...I am glong to be rightthere.

Gimme my f*cking dress!

This is so annoyingly random and maddening.

I will never again bring my business to Sossy's Bridal and Fashon Shop in Toluca Lake. 

For. Freaking. REAL.

I'm DONE.

New month, new beginnings!

Hello, May! So happy to see you...again.

New month; new beginnings!

Continuing my wellness/fitness and inner-peace journey with two new challenges, this month:

• Spring Into PiYo Fitness Challenge

• Muffin Top Coaches-Only Fitness Challenge

Today was Day 1 for both...Monday. My longest day of the whole week. I am so freaking tired that I just want to cry. I need to edit the pics and put them on social media... C'mon Alex...c'mon Alex... C'mon Alex...!!! Get it togethet.

I got my workouts done for both challenges, yet I am still totally freaking out: it's after midnight and I just now finished my workouts. I hope Dana and Kari and the other girls aren't mad at me for being late with posting the accountably photos.  They are coming! Pinky swear! 

...I am exhausted.