Discover It

I did it: I signed up for my very own credit card...and I got approved! I am absolutely terrified if it, but I know I need to use it so I can better my situation.

Hi, my name is Alexeyeva; and I have a very vivid, realistic fear of debt.

I am very aware of how much money I DO NOT HAVE- so the feelings that come with financial burdens are nothing new. However, purposefully creating more dissonance and stress by buying things with money I don't have causes me to loose my breath. I physically forget how to breathe sometimes because it is so nerve wracking and uncomfortable.

...yet it is necessary. Unfortunately, embarrassingly, humbling and humiliatingly necessary. 

It wasn't always like this, you know. 

I never used to have to struggle like this... before my Gma Catherine died. That year I was homeless ate up all my savings. My cushion... my grad school fund... my travel fund... everything: GONE.

I am still so sad at that.

I'm getting better - after all it's nearly been 3 years. I am still rebuilding from that traumatic/dark time, though. I am still grieving so many losses from that horrible experience.

I am so sad that all my years of savings were wiped out due to such unnecessary and extreme circumstances that were maddeningly, 100% beyond my control.

I made it through, though.

I rolled with all punches, though.

I tended to my wounds and still know how to smile.

I survived all that betrayal and bitterness and resentment.

I am thriving.

...I don't have my big bank accounts any more, but I have my dignity, my pride. I'm re-defining my sense of self; I'm acknowledging my divine purpose. I'm learning to love and appreciate the skin I'm in. My true, honest, raw, authentic, magnificently flawed self is actually a woman I enjoy! I never gave her enough credit (haha! Pun intended). It's time for her to come out to play. :)

I have put my plans/hopes/dreams on the back burner for a really long time. Deep down I never felt like I deserved it- to work hard to get the things I want and to be happy. Still working through that rubbish...and getting better at loving myself every day. :)

I owe it to myself to be brave, right now. I wanted to be in a different place by now- but I'm not. I wanted to have a stronger grasp on my finances by now- but I don't. Truth be told: I work my a$s off at a sh*tty job for sh*tty pay. [whoop-a-dee-dooo...nothing new.] I can pay my bills- so I have a lot to be grateful for [thank you!]. I just want more out of life. I need more in my brain and in my day than - this -. And now I have an opportunity to pursue more...thanks to this credit card.

• I am honoring my soul and my goddess within and putting myself through yoga teacher training.

• I am honoring the wisdom of my mother and sister and going back to school. 

• I have created my Dream Boards for accountability and inspiration and I am ready to get to work!

I feel so blessed to be afforded the opportunity to follow some of my own immediate dreams/goals/aspirations. It's about time...and this time is • m y • t i m e . It's all about • m e • right now. And this feels good!

I'm not an over-spender or irresponsible when it comes to money. This card doesn't temp in ways it probably should. It has a specific purpose: to fund my future endeavours. That is the only purpose it will serve.

I was so thorough in my research; I was very specific with my prayers. I decided on this card for a number of reasons that work for me and my current situation. I am happy it has finally arrived. I have nothing else holding me back...but me. It's time for to get out if my own way.

It's time for me to • D I S C O V E R • my best self...with the help of my beautiful, new Discover card.