Do people genuinely, sincerely want to know why I am single?
Probably not.
So what's the point in asking?
I have found that sometimes the asker of this question might have his or her own idea of why I am still single.
Great! Do share!
Please shed some light and wisdom onto this topic, as perhaps your exquisite outside perspective into my non-existent-love-life will illuminate a never-before-considered "solution" to my "being single problem."
First of all: being single is not a problem.
I am not troubled, nor do I need fixing.
I'm just single. And I'm just fine.
...is my singleness a problem for you? Does my singleness make you uncomfortable?
Because I'm okay. Really.
Second of all: just. stop.
Do not pass "Go"; do not collect $200.
I am single, because I am single. That's just how it is.
Would I prefer to be in a relationship?
Heck yes!
Why?
Because I'm better when I'm part of a team.
I'm great on my own, but I fancy myself the ultimate team player. With a wicked air of confidence that complements a seemingly new set of strengths that are only inspired and invited to shine when I'm in a relationship, I come alive in a way only my partner is privy to. I consider that one of my (many) gifts to him.
For whatever reason, right now, though, I am not anywhere near having a relationship. I am "as single as a dollar bill." As a woman of faith, I trust that God has a plan for me. He hasn't led me astray this far, I doubt He'll start now. Part of God's plan is for me to grow and learn lessons about myself and my life as a single person before I am ready to grow and learn lessons about myself and my future-life-partner as a person in a committed relationship.
...I know this. And I don't like it - because it doesn't make the journey any less difficult or lonely - but I know there is something greater at work here, and so I will just "mind my business"; put one foot in front of the other, breathe, pray, and take it moment by moment...day by day.
Not too long ago, someone tweeted at me, saying that I am single by choice.
I was very offended by this comment. It thought: it is not my choice to be single. To be surrounded by powerhouse couples who have successful careers, own houses, have adorable pets, and create beautifully, intelligent, talented babies. It is not my choice to be missing out on those things.
I want all of those things.
However, now is not my time to get them. I still have to wait my turn.
Upon further reflection of that comment, I have to agree with it. I am single...by choice.
It wasn't necessarily my choice to end the relationships I've been in, however it has been my choice regarding what I do next. It is not my style to jump from one relationship to another. I need to grieve the loss of my relationships and take a time-out from things to reflect, pray, note my mistakes and learn from them, note my successes and celebrate them. I don't know how to do all those things and successfully juggle the needs/emotions/time/affection/attention of someone new.
I have a lot of love to give. Most of the time I feel that it is such a waste that I am single. I have so much love to give and I want to channel it into my future-life with my future-life-partner. I don't want him to be overwhelmed by me, though. I want him to be ready to accept and receive the gift of love that I am able to give him.
I haven't found that man, yet.
He hasn't found me, yet.
We will find each other, though. And that day will be glorious.
So, how do I respond to: "and why are YOU still single?"
I mostly just say: "Only God knows..."
And that is a good enough reason to end the conversation and move on to something else.
