Rejection ---> Redirection

I saw a quote online somewhere that went something along the lines of: "rejection is God's way of redirection."

It stuck with me.

And I keep it in mind when I experience the disappointment and other feels that come with being rejected from something (or someone) I really wanted.

"Rejection is God's way of redirection."

Rejection is God's way of redirection.

Rejection is God's way of redirection.

Okay.

I get it.

Rejection is God's way of redirection.

I wonder in what direction (S)He's taking me...?

I thought I knew where I was going...but apparently it isn't meant to be. I trust the process and have faith in my journey; I'll be alright. 

Rejection is God's way of redirection.

I'm workin' hard and prayin' hard. I hope and dream that (S)He hears and sees me. 

Where am I going?

What am I doing?

...What an adventure this Life is.

Back to summer school

I did it. 

I got in to the Paralegal Training Program at UCLA Extension.

I'm so excited to go back to school!

On Monday and Wednesday nights for the next 11 months, I'll be in class working towards completing a certificate to become a CA paralegal. :)

Tonight is my 1st night of class. 

I am a mess of emotions.

...most of all, I feel grateful for this incredible opportunity.

Thank you, God.

Thank you, Universe.

Thank you, Spirit... Great Mystery... Powers-that-be.

Be with me as I embark on this new journey.

:)

Let us be in harmony so we can change the world.

Amen.

Namaste.

The Sound of My Own Voice

I went out on Friday (05/13/2016) night by myself, as I often do, to attend a workshop at Wanderlust Hollywood. It was about goal setting and making action plans to achieve goals.

During individual intros to the group, we were asked to share something that we're proud of accomplishing so far this year. The first thing that came to mind: the voice. MY VOICE, to be exact...and how I am allowing myself to be less and less afraid of it and more and more accepting and loving of it. So, that's what I said: I am proud that I like the sound of my own voice. That I've never liked it or given myself permission to enjoy it, and now I do.

This made the people laugh.

And I was puzzled, and instantly flooded with feelings of embarrassment, wrong-saying/doing, and being ashamed.

I didn't know them.
I was vulnerable and honest with them.
They laughed.

I was the only one there that wasn't an actor or actively taking up space or pursing a place in the entertainment industry.
They laughed.

I didn't speak up to the whole group the rest of the night.
I didn't feel safe or a need to explain or express myself - these weren't my people.

We broke up into smaller groups - that was better. I find that I prefer intimate settings.
Free from the judgment and insecurities of the loudest speakers/interrupters of the group.

My group was awesome - there were 5 people there I would actually like to see again.

When my insecurities wore off, I was ready to be authentic. I paid no mind to the people who didn't get me and focused my intentions and energy on the people who did - who made an active effort to hear and understand my story.

This was the greatest gift. To allow space for the awkwardness and power through it.
To remain honest and true to myself and enjoy the moments and the night - as that is what I ventured there to do. To learn more tools to propel myself forward and become one or two steps closer to living, breathing, creating, loving my life and my dreams.

I like the sound of my own voice.
I proclaimed that to a room of strangers.
I like the face and the body that I see in the mirror.
I am a divine being and I own every bit of.

I am grateful for the experience. It has helped me learn and grow.
I like the sound of my own voice.
And I am empowered to to use it.
I feel brave, courageous, strong, intelligent, authentic, and honest when I speak up to say my truth.

As I bloom into peace and harmony with my voice - my inner voice(s), my physical, audible voice - I am humbled by its sound...by its power.
I have a nice voice - people have told me on many occasions.
I have a nice voice - until now, I have not given myself permission to listen to it... to hear it... to enjoy it.
I have a nice voice - I will no longer silence it.
I have a nice voice - and I like the sound of it.

Yogi Surprise Lifestyle Box Opening - May 2016

Aahh! It's my first recorded box opening.
Feeling all grown up using new technology.

I used a hand-held device called Flip Video to record... I'm not sure I love it.
The video is so blurry - It give me a headache trying to focus. Even when I was recording, it was blurry and I was getting a headache trying to look at the items I was attempting to record through the screen on the Flip Video and then looking at the items in real life... It hurt my eyes. I thought it was me. Nope. I hoped that it would be clearer on the final recording and that it was so fuzzy because the screen was so small. Nope. Oh well.

This was my 1st time recording, pretty much, anything...I have a lot to learn. It appears that the device is only good for near-sighted, far-away recording. Up close recording is a blurry/fuzzy mess. Boo. The device is simple - what you see is what you get. I'll do better next time.

29 Day Fix. Day 2.

I woke up with a huge smile on my face and a heart overflowing with love. It was • f r e e z i n g • in my apt, yet I was excited to start the day. 

I rolled out if bed and pushed play. It was upper body day!

I did the 10 Min Hardcore ab workout today. Oh man- those weighted hip drops still get me. Ha! One day I hope to master them...it definitely wasn't this day. 

The dolphin-to-plank move was my nemesis in Upper Fix Extreme today. My feet kept sliding out from under me. It was awkward.

I'm feelin' sore, yet good.

Ready for more!

I read through the meal plan books (21 Day Fix and Hammer and Chisel) and was so pleasantly surprised at all the veggie options presented for proteins.

I got a better idea of what items to but at the store...but am still stumped when it comes to creative/creating recipes.

Maybe I'm overthinking this.

I'll go to the store tonight and check things out.

• • Day 2: 02/02/16. D O N E . • •

29 Day Fix. Day 1.

Happy • F e b r u a r y ! 

Happy • L e a p • Y e a r ! 

I'm celebrating this leap year with 29 days of sweat and clean eating. 

Decided to put together a 29 Day Fix clean eating and workout group for support and accountability...but didn't get any takers. I'm doing this health and fitness thing on my own- I get it now. I really would like to find my fitness tribe, though...so many other people have one- I know I can too! I hope/wish/pray I can be part of one/establish/find my health and fitness loving people soon. 

Anyway...

I'm 33-years-old and I have a horrible relationship with food. 

As every relationship takes work - even relationships with food - I am determined to put in the work to repair this busted relationship, this year. 

So, for the next 29 days, I'll be following a fresh shopping list, meal plan, cooking at home, prepping meals, and watching my portions. 

I am terrified.

I've never done anything like this before.

...Yes, I love the Beachbody workouts and can sweat up a storm by just looking at a workout room, but I really struggle with nutrition.

...I'm facing a really big fear, here...so the road will be bumpy. I'm giving myself permission to be a beginner and allowing myself space for frustration and "slip-ups". I'm not perfect- these next 29 days will be a challenge.

...yet also, SO. WORTH. IT.

• I'm determined to undo some false beliefs that I have been coveting when it comes to food.

• I'm ready to build a new appreciation for the nutrients I put into my body.

• I'm eager to experience the freedom, pride, and independence that comes with cooking my own meals.

• I'm curious about and long to be humbled by the process of expressing authentic, sincere gratitude for the food I buy, prepare, and eat.

• I'm beginning this journey, so I will be successful in taking lasting, positive strides towards repairing my relationship with food.

For the workout portion of this challenge, I chose to revisit my favorite of the 21 Day workout programs: 21 Day Fix Extreme.

• I'm going to alternate between Fix and Fix Extreme ab sets every day, as well.

Today was 10 Min Fix for Abs and Plyo Fix Extreme. 

I loved every second of these workouts...they were hard, though- I'll be honest. I know they work, though...so I don't mind. :)

For the clean eating:

• I have my portion control containers, but not the meal prep containers- yet.

...found some 2-slot and 3-slot containers on Amazon. Wasn't sure which ones to get...decided today to get both.

• I am planning to read the 21 Day Fix, 21 Day Fix Extreme, Hammer and Chisel, and PiYo suggested meal plan books tonight to get an idea of what to put on my shopping list.

...I feel really nervous about making a commitment like this to food. My fear is that it will be wasted when I buy it.

I must overcome that fear and express gratitude for the food and enjoy it as I cook it and consume it.

- - I don't really know how to do that whole heartedly, yet. I am open yo learning and I shall try my best.

• • Day 1: 02/01/16. D O N E . • •

Mindful America

Mindful America... what an incredible concept.

Went to my 1st town hall meeting on Sat night (01.30.16) at Wanderlust Hollywood. It was exciting, interesting, and overall: refreshing. 

Seane Corn was there.

She is just so freaking cool -- I can't even describe it/there are not enough words to expres my sincere appreciation for everything that she is. :)

Prince E.A. was there.

It was the first time I had the pleasure of hearing him speak. Wow! What an eloquent man. I am inspired by him.

Congressman Tim Ryan (D-OH) was there.

Pretty darn cool that a person in congress representing OH came out to CA to engage in a discussion of mindfulness.  I wish/hope/pray our CA congresspeople get the memo and will join in next time.

Mike De La Rocha was there.

It was my first time hearing him speak. Wow! He is so knowledgeable about the issue of mass incarceration. I am inspired by him.

Marianne Williamson was there.

It was my first time hearing her speak. She's not my favorite. Very passionate- which I respect, but disconnected in a way. She thinks we abolished white supremecy... this is not true. She lost credibility in my mind/eyes/heart when she said that (and repeated it more than once.)

I am grateful that there are concered and connected yogis taking political action. I definitely want to get involved somehow. 

I am inspired by my experience at the townhall meeting. :)

I am grateful that Wanderlust is providing a safe, cinscious space and platform  for us to engage with each other, like this.

New Year, New Me

Oh, hey 2016.

There's something so new about you.

Something different.

Something promising.

I find myself giddy and hopeful and optimistic when I think of you...moreao than usual.

You're calling to me.

I'm listening.

I long for love...and adventure...and to fulfill my purpose. 

You're going to grant me these opportunities, aren't you?

I enthusiastically welcome all the blessings and challenges that await me.

I am going to do better and be better this year.

I am strong.

I am courageous.

I am in a good place.

I am happy.

I have experienced joy and peace from the depth of my soul...I will feel it again.

I am love...I am loved. I will find love and be in love, this year. If only with myself, it will be enough. Because I am enough. And I deserve it.

I will have a new job, this year.

And a new body, this year.

I will let my light shine, this year. Bright, radiant, blinding; without hesitation, doubt, shame, or fear.

I will be my authentic self. I will be and feel proud.

I am okay.

I am good.

I made it through last year.

I am a 200hr registered yoga teacher.

I am a CIZE Live group fitness instructor.

I am a PiYo Live group fitness instructor.

I feel good. I feel accomplished!

I paid off my car.

I did it!

I did good.

And I will continue to do good; and be well.

Oh, 2016...we're gonna do big things. And we're gonna be great together.

I'm so happy to see you! :)

...let's do this.

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears."

...I wonder who my teacher will be.

I hope she/he is awesome. 

I'm a little weary about dreaming of my teacher...but I heard somewhere that new moms can dream of their fetuses/babies before they are born. Maybe it's kind of the same thing...? When you love something so much and you put yourself out there, and you vibe with positivity and gratitude so hard, the Universe (...or God... Jesus... Spirit... Great Mystery...) can't help but grace you with your heart's ultimate desire... A Yoga Teacher!

[...or whatever it is you're praying/meditating/yearning/longing for...]

Oooh, I hope I can meet my yoga teacher soon!

* correction: I hope I am ready to meet my yoga teacher soon!

http://www.yoganonymous.com/ready-set-attract-the-right-teacher-for-you

Turning In

Transitioning back to life in LA after yoga teacher training (YTT) weekends in the mountains is proving to be an interesting part of my journey. 

• I am beyond exhausted, yet I still feel so grounded and centered. 

• I can stay calm and peaceful and ride my yoga euphoria/ high anywhere from 1-7 days post-return. • I cling/clench (unnaturally...?) hard to the very present mindset and feelings of tranquility and knowing and peace longer than I probably should...

Waking up to the sound of rain this morning made me feel good. I felt so blessed/grateful and wicked connected with the earth. It was in a beautifully unique way that, until now, I was only able to experience when deeply integrated/ in tune with the nature that engulfs my YTT weekends. 

I had a very strong urge to honor and acknowledge Mother Earth for the rain and the plethora of abundant blessing she bestows upon me. I didn't quite know how to go about doing so- my prayers of gratitude just feel like enough. So... I busted out my Sacred Path and Medicine Cards... 

...and these are the cards I drew today: 1- PIPE. And 5- BEAR.

Perfect. :)

First of the month

It is pretty freaking awful to work really hard for a ridiculously small paycheck.

I age myself with anxiety at the beginning of every month because of money worries/woes.

I should be celebrating and enjoying the newness of possibilities and beginnings that I  am blessed with.

I know this.

Yet it still takes me a couple days... until all my bills/checks clear... to calm down and smile a sincere smile and relax.

I am tense and nervous.

I love seeing my bank account grow!

I hate seeing it shrink. :(

It won't always be this hard. 

I know this.

My hard work * W I L L * pay off and I will reap all the benefits of my efforts!

I know this.

...this journey sure is humbling, though.

Praying... Hoping... Wishing... Grinding... Every day. 

amen.

Cool or creepy...?

At what age does doing something solo stop being cool and turn into creepy?

By "doing something solo", I am referring to attending a very public, all ages, event. (...such as a concert, or race, or sporting event, etc.)

Is the concept of "cool" and/or "creepy" dependent on the mindset of the solo individual or the majority of the crowd that surrounds the individual?

Is doing something solo ALWAYS cool?

Is doing something solo ALWAYS creepy?

Can doing something solo have elements of both cool and creepy? Or must it be one or the other?

Solo AVAS Project is so much more than the name of this blog... this is my life.

I do (most) things solo.

OITNB

I was all about this show...until yesterday.

There are a few, very specific things in movies and TV shows that cause me to have a physical reaction to what I'm seeing. 

'A physical reaction' as in a migraine... or feeling dizzy/light headed/out of breath... or nauseous... or fainting... or instant diarrhea (weird, I know)... or throwing up. 

'Things' such as senseless violence and/or torture for sport - a la 'Gladiator'; and any kind of rape scene.

Don't get me wrong- I love me a good action/adventure movie. The more explosions and suspense the better! The good guy fighting (and beating!) the bad guy - hell yes! Go Good Guy! The underdog battling hard and winning the day! Whooo! YEAH! But when it comes to hand-to-hand, bare knuckled, bloody and gory fighting for someone else's entertainment - without just cause - I cannot handle it. It physically makes me ill.

Confession: I have never watched 'Gladiator' from start to finish. I could barely get through the first 10 mins. It made me nauseous and I threw up. I didn't even know I could do that until I started to watch 'Gladitor.' The guy I was dating at the time was just as surprised as I was that I had such a strong reaction to the beginning of the freaking movie. Hahaa! There went a fun date night... down the toilet... oh well.

I have never been the victim of rape. The amount of evil in the intent to rape is what messes with my head and physically makes me ill. 

I love-love-LOVE 'Sons of Anarchy'. Yet, when Gemma gets kidnapped and repeatedly gang raped by the neo-nazi skinheads, I crapped my pants (not literally...but I totally lost my sh*t). I was sick for several DAYS after I saw that episode and I had to take a long, long break from watching SOA because of that episode/season. I just could not handle it.

I was very curious about 'Bates Motel' when it first appeared. But the part early on where a big, scary man chases Mrs. Bates around the kitchen and then violently rapes her when he catches her, f*cked with my head so much that I passed out. I lost my breath then lost some consciousness. It was just too much. 

Enter the highly-anticipated S3 of OITNB.

Kudos, E9: you made me throw up+. One rape scene just wasn't enough... right? You had to do two. And having a minute to breathe between the rape scenes was asking too much, wasn't it? Because they just had to be back-to-back. Wow. I can't even...

That's it for me.

I'm done.

This show is off my radar.

...which sucks because I love it! I want to know how everything goes!

But I can't.

I need some time.

Those rape scenes... they were just too much for me. I still feel so sick.

:(

Postal Service Roulette

I am the co-MC for a wedding next week (on Friday, 09/04/2015).

I just ordered my dress for the wedding from this awesome Etsy shop today: thedaintyard https://www.etsy.com/shop/thedaintyard 

It is being shipped from Singapore.

S i n g • a • p o r e . 

Usually shipping takes 2-3 weeks. 

I got the "express shipping" option...which states that it can take 1 week.

Here's to hoping/wishing/praying that it will pass customs in a timely manner and arrive next week!

...a game of Postal Service Roulette, anyone??

Sure.

Why the heck not?!

I'm not even nervous about this.

I'm totally feeling good about this.

I will have my dress in time!

I just know it will come through! :)

I spread my wings and fly...

https://instagram.com/p/6nZqIaNLOR/

Shout out to Maggie

The best internship I ever had was working for a woman named Maggie and her web site (RIP) called NewLadderToSuccess.com. We met at coffee shop a couple times a week in Irvine and she taught me about the importance of building a solid community of ambitious, goal-oriented, dream-chasing, strong-willed, successful business women. Maggie's vision for NewLadderToSuccess.com was to have a single spot on the world wide web where women could collaborate, support, and encourage one another to pursue their dreams of financial independence, starting a business, balancing a career and motherhood, and the like. She had a goal for NewLadderToSuccess.com to be a resource for women wanting change their lives in a positive way by providing tips, tricks, and templates to get from 'point A' to 'point B'; as well as a safe place for women who have reached (some of) their goals to share their stories.

I was lucky enough to be chosen as the intern to maintain the site and update it regularly with content that was pre-approved by Maggie. I was also able to interview some successful business women/published authors and write articles about the upcoming releases of their books.
...Right out of college, I had no idea how much these experiences and wonderful, valuable lessons would impact me!

...until now.


It was a very short time that I was able to work with Maggie and learn from her. We are no longer in touch today, yet from time-to-time, I think of her and wish her well. I am so very grateful for that experience!

Wherever you are today, Maggie, I just know you must be happy and thriving. I hope you are able to sit back and marvel at all of your successes! You are a go-getter, a hard worker, a great role model. I thank you for your time, attention, patience, and expertise. To this day, I am still honored and humbled by that summer we got to work together. The spirit of NewLadderToSuccess.com has always stayed with me. Thank you!

PiYo Live Certified

So... I did it.
I signed up to get certified as a group fitness instructor for PiYo... and I PASSED. !!!!!.

OMG.
I did it.
And I passed.
And it was AWESOME!
And I am so stoked, I can't even see straight.

I've never had confidence in my abilities like this, before.
...I really like it.

I know I'm an Aries and can have really arrogant tendencies...but this is different.
It feels so different.
I can walk the walk AND talk the talk.
In a really humble, yet strongly-present way. Without being arrogant.
:)

...I really like it.

This is the first day of the rest of my life.

This is a whole new beginning.

This is ONLY the beginning!

There is so much more to come... I just know it. :)

And I am ready for it. And I welcome it! With wide open arms/eyes/ears/heart/mind/body/soul! I am so very excited for what is coming up for me...I don't even know what it is, but I know it is going to be RAD. !!!.

Thank you God...Jesus...Universe...Great Mystery...all the saints, angles, spirits, holy people in heaven and on earth who have been with me throughout my life. I can't thank you enough for everything you have done and continue to do for me. :) This win is for you, too! We worked hard to get here! haha! Please continue to watch over me and protect me and bless me. We have so much more work to do. xo

It's a shame. NO- it's a celebration!

I realized recently (...as in within the last 10 mins...), that most of my life I have felt ashamed.

• Ashamed of my skin color.

• Ashamed of the texture, thickness, and curl of my hair.

• Ashamed of my name.

• Ashamed of my family.

• Ashamed of my house.

• Ashamed of my flute-playing abilities. 

• Ashamed of my drawing abilities.

• Ashamed of my baseball-playing abilities.

• Ashamed of my basketball-playing abilities.

• Ashamed of my cheerleading abilities.

• Ashamed of my dancing abilities.

• Ashamed of my daydreams.

• Ashamed of my body.

• Ashamed of my being a band geek.

• Ashamed of my passion for Shakespeare.

• Ashamed of my femininity.

• Ashamed of my vulnerability.

• Ashamed of my desire to want more.

• Ashamed of my thirst/quest to learn more.

• Ashamed of my unknown/undecided future.

• Ashamed of my status as a transfer-student.

• Ashamed of my biracial herritage.

• Ashamed of my sexual orientation.

• Ashamed of my openness and adaptability to try/experience new things.

• Ashamed of my religion.

• Ashamed of my spirituality.

• Ashamed of my two jobs.

• Ashamed of my three jobs.

• Ashamed of being dumped... again... and again...

• Ashamed of being forgotton. 

• Ashamed of being left behind. 

• Ashamed of being intentionally left out.

• Ashamed of being too old.

• Ashamed of being too young.

• Ashamed of being bored.

• Ashamed of being poor.

• Ashamed of having people skills.

• Ashamed of not having science skills. 

• Ashamed of being a late bloomer.

• Ashamed of playing with makeup.

• Ashamed of my dirty f*cking mouth.

• Ashamed of my enthusiasm/zeal and zest for life.

• Ashamed of my line process.

• Ashamed of my one job.

• Ashamed of my strength(s).

• Ashamed of my weakness(es).

• Ashamed of my singleness.

• Ashamed of my greatness.

• Ashamed of being/feeling ashamed.

It's a shame that there is all this shame!

For each one of my shames (listed above from elementary school through college), I can vividly recall a sense of joy and contentment; feelings of pleasure and inclusion, accomplishment and freedom. 

For each one of my shames (listed above from elementary school through college), I can vividly recall a comment or statement or scenario or conversation with someone who said something to me that made me feel feel horrible about myself, and therefore ashamed. 

It's funny how wisdom manifests itself over time.

Most of my shames (listed above from elementary school through college), no longer cripplingly embarrass me.

Most of my shames (listed above from elementary school through college), are now causes for most of my celebrations!

Resu...who?? ResuME!

This entire day has been dedicated to my resume. By month's end, I * WILL * have a new job. 

The time is right...isn't it, God?

The signs are everywhere...aren't they, Universe?

With a better job, comes more money. With more more money, comes peace of mind (with the relief of some financial burdens).

With peace of mind, comes less stress and self-induced pressure.

With less stress and self-induced pressure, comes joy and the ability to be present in the moment and fully appreciate the beauty and blessings that are all around.

With joy and the ability to be present in the moment and fully appreciate the beauty and blessings that are all around, comes pure, authentic, genuine happiness.

With pure, authentic, genuine happiness... my soul is alive. 

My soul is alive when I sincerely happy.

I am ready to give myself permission to see...feel...experience...and create that pure, genuine, authentic joy! The kind of joy my heart and soul craves. 

I am open and willing to do what it takes to set my soul... set my heart ...a blaze. So I can feel alive...and connected...and loved...!!!

I am ready.

Resu...ME!

To anyone who receieves my resume, Idedicate this prayer of kindness and compassion to you: please keep an open heart and mind - and open eyes - when reviewing my information and considering me for the position. Please know that I will work hard, learn a lot, and make you proud. Please know that something about your job ad and/or company intrigued me- and I believe we will be a great fit for one another. Thank you for your time and attention! I greatly appreciate your consideration.

:)

'F*ck That', A Guided Meditation for the Realities of Today's World

"..Those b*tches can't get under your skin. They can't even..."

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