I want to share my passion and love of yoga with others. I dream of being a yoga instructor.
I want to continue my education and be around like-minded intellectuals. I dream of going back to school to earn another degree.
The challenge of these dreams: m o n e y .
WTF.
Why does it cost so much to better oneself??!
I am broke as a joke.
My current salary (and job) sucks. I can pay my bills, but I cannot afford to stock my fridge. I'm hungry and tired most of the time yet my desire and determination for a better life - for living my BEST LIFE - feeds my soul and gives me the energy I need to persevere and carry on...and DREAM BIG DREAMS of success and peace of mind and happiness.
Never in a million years did I think I would be * here *...but I am. So I need to deal with it; and keep my eyes on the prize so I can move forward. "Onward and upward!" said somebody at some point, right...? Right.
I have expensive dreams and no way to pay for them.
I was blessed with a parent who treated me to an undergraduate education. My mother is a f*cking saint. Truly. I have my bachelor's degree from an out-of-state Jesuit university. Talk about a selfishly sh*tty move on my part. (Sorry Mom). I had such a horrible experience in college; I don't even use my dregree. Believe me I want to! Which is why I want to get into a certificate program to further develop and enhance my dormant PR skills.
During a personal trauma at the end of 2012 and all through 2013, yoga pretty much saved me. I can breathe through pain and tough situations - emotional, mental, physical, spiritual...the transformations that have occured during my journey to self-confidence and owning my value and worth are incredible (and continue to amaze me and stregnthen me, every day).
Today, I took the first of many steps towards achieving my goals of getting back into school and becoming a yoga instructor: I researched low-interest credit cards and applied to programs.
Money and numbers make me so f*cking nervous! Like, seriously...I have a legitimate fear of debt and being in debt. I am uncomfortable with money: I've never had a lot, and I know how quickly it can disappear and/or be taken away. I never carry cash because it is impossible for me to track what I spend it on. I save as much as I can as often as I can. I never, ever spend more than I budget or make. I am a smart, savvy shopper; I never spend my money frivolously. (And why would I?? I worked my ass off for it- I do not need to see it disappear without good rhyme or reason.)
I am taking a huge, uncomfortably scary leap of faith by actively pursuing these dreams without the financial security to back them up. I am terrified to go into debt but I am no longer able to stay complacent and stagnant - paralyzed by this fear.
I thought by now I would have a partner in life; a husband, a best friend, a confidant that I could discuss this with, dream with, plan with, learn and grow with... but I do not. It is only me. And I owe it to myself to be my best - to be THE best - so I can be proud of the woman I see in mirror.
I thought by now I would have a better grip on things; that my recovery/renuilding from being homeless would be farther along. That I'd have a better job, by now; and be making more money, by now...but I don't; and I'm not.
So...what's a girl to do?
I am going to keep dreaming and setting goals.
I am going to keep planning for my short-term and long-term future.
I am going to keep achieving and annihilating said goals.
I am going to get up every morning with a smile and a sense if purpose.
I am going to work hard and play hard.
I am going to give myself credit when/where credit is due.
I am going to actively pursue my dreams...passionately and tenaciously and with as little fear as possible.
I am going to leap...and trust that God and the Universe know my mind... hear my heart... guide my soul... to/towards/down the path I am supposed to travel.
I am going to enjoy my journey - bumps, valleys, mountains, level plains and all.
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